My friend had been pounding the pavement in search of a job with
no luck. Frustrated, she asked her dad to look at her résumé. He
didn’t get much further than the first line of her cover letter
before spotting the problem.
“Is it too generic?” she asked.
“I doubt it,” said her father.
“Especially since it’s addressed ‘Dear Sir or Madman.’ ”
--GISELLE MELANSON
朋友近来为了找工作四处奔走，不幸未果。她甚是沮丧，便让爸爸帮着看看简历。她爸爸才看到求职信的第一行，就发现了问题。
“是不是太普通了？”她问。
“不像是，”她爸爸说。
“尤其是开头这称呼，‘尊敬的先生疯子①’。”
——吉赛尔?梅兰森
① 女士（Madam）和疯子（madman）的拼写相近。
Conversation at our business lunch turned to illegal immigration.
“I read an article that said 60 percent of Americans are
immigrants,” commented one of my colleagues.
“That can’t be true,” another said.
“No,” agreed a Native American coworker. “There’s a lot more of you
than that.”
--DANIELLE PRIMAS
吃工作餐时，我们聊到了非法移民的问题。“我读过一篇文章，说60%的美国人是移民，”有位同事评论道。
“不可能吧，”另一位说。
“是真的，”一位美国原住民同事表示赞同，“像你们这样的移民还不止60%呢。”
——丹妮尔?普里马斯
Our coworker Patrick shared his worst workday ever. He was at an
appliance store and the delivery truck had broken down, which meant
he was flooded with angry phone calls from customers. One irate
caller canceled the delivery and told Patrick what he could do with
it.
“I’m sorry,” said Patrick. “That’s impossible. I already have a
stove, a vacuum cleaner, and a microwave up there.”
--JANE BENOIST
同事帕特里克跟我们讲他最糟糕的工作日。他在一家电器店上班，送货车突然坏了，那就意味着一个个怒气冲冲的顾客电话打进来。一位愤怒的顾客打电话来取消送货，并告诉帕特里克他可以怎么处置这东西。
“太抱歉了，”帕特里克说，“这恐怕不行。我已经有一个炉子，一个吸尘器和一台微波炉了。”
——简?伯努瓦
A fellow cop from our precinct had only a few months left on the
job, and he could always be heard ticking off the weeks, days,
hours, and minutes. Our chief was not amused.
“I’ve been on the job for 43 years, and I’ve never counted off the
days until I’m outta here,” he said.
I couldn’t help agreeing with him. “That’s because everyone else is
counting for you.”
--JESSE THATCHER
我们警区有一位同事还有几个月就要离职了，经常能听到他在数日子，还有几周、几天、几小时、几分钟。我们警长心里很不是滋味。
“这份工作我做了43年了，只要我还在这里，我就不会数日子，”他说。
他的话我很认同。“那是因为大家在帮你数。”
——杰西?撒切尔
Fresh out of gift ideas, a man buys his mother-in-law a large plot
in an expensive cemetery. On her next birthday he buys her nothing,
so she lets him have it.
“What are you complaining about?” he fires back.
“You still haven’t used the present I gave you last year.”
--L. B. WEINSTEIN
一位男子苦于不知送丈母娘什么礼物好，就在一个昂贵的墓地里买了一大块地。她下一次过生日，他什么也没买，于是她决定提醒提醒他。
“您抱怨什么呢？”他回嘴道。
“去年给您的礼物，您到现在还没用呢。”
——L. B. 温斯坦
The new bride wanted everything to be perfect for the Thanksgiving
dinner she was hosting for her in-laws. So she called the turkey
hotline and said, “I bought a 12-pound bird. How long does it need
to cook?”
“Just a minute,” said the hotline operator, paging through her
reference book.
“Thanks!” said the bride as she hung up.
--MICHAEL DEMERS
感恩节的晚餐，新娘子要招待男方家属，希望一切能顺顺利利，于是她给火鸡热线打了个电话，说：“我买了只12磅的火鸡，要煮多久？”
“等一分钟，” ② 热线接线员一边说，一边在参考书中找。
“谢谢！”新娘子说完挂断了电话。
——迈克尔?德默斯
② just a minute可以理解为“等一下”，也可以理解为“就一分钟”，显然，接线员是让新娘等一下。
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